过年就是这样:前三天跟父母亲密,三天后被父母嫌弃

回家过了三天后,你会不会跟你父母相看两厌? 文/蒋理(学者) “我严重怀疑自己回的是个假家,遇到的是个假妈,一天到晚被嫌弃,早上不起啊,晚上不睡啊,见人不打招呼啊……”有大学生表示…

回家过了三天后,你会不会跟你父母相看两厌?

文/蒋理(学者)

“我严重怀疑自己回的是个假家,遇到的是个假妈,一天到晚被嫌弃,早上不起啊,晚上不睡啊,见人不打招呼啊……”有大学生表示,放假了,他们和父母相处却不像想象中那么愉快。媒体调查发现,大学生被家长“嫌弃”的原因相对集中:房间脏乱差、作息不健康、让做点事喊不动。

过年就是这样:前三天跟父母亲密,三天后被父母嫌弃

大学生放假回家,抱怨被父母“抱怨”,不如反求诸己,反思那些让父母嫌弃的行为习惯是不是健康。但这些习惯是突然形成的,还是“习得”的?

以前在读中小学时,由于学习任务重,很多学生通常不会(也不敢)睡懒觉,其父母也通常包办学生除学习之外的一切,包括收拾房间、叠被子、洗衣服,很多孩子几乎不参与任何家务。父母们的考虑是,孩子学习累,要全力以赴学习,考上好大学是第一要务。

但父母们忘记了,习惯是需要培养的,孩子的自主、自立能力,需要从小在家庭教育中养成。很多被父母“嫌弃”的学生习惯,正是由于父母的“溺爱”、包办代替养成的。

过年就是这样:前三天跟父母亲密,三天后被父母嫌弃

在中国很多家庭,孩子上大学前,基本上不用承担任何家庭责任;上了大学后,有的父母又感慨孩子不懂得感恩、没有孝敬之心。就像大学前禁止“早恋”、大学后逼婚那样。他们以为孩子的很多行为不正常,但其实这正是观念、习惯的顺承。

培养独立人格和独立生活习惯,不能从小把孩子当巨婴喂养、再指望其在大学阶段骤然建立。不独立久了,也就没了独立的习惯了。

过年就是这样:前三天跟父母亲密,三天后被父母嫌弃

但当下的许多父母的观念很难撼动,更需要改变的或许是很多大学生。他们理应学会自我管理、自我规划,学会对自己负责。据报道,有的大学生一天在床上呆20小时。乍看起来,这跟春节时特殊的家庭场景——父母担起了这活那活有关,那这番景象跟那些“啃老族”现象倒也挺配的。

过年就是这样:前三天跟父母亲密,三天后被父母嫌弃

家庭教育的核心是做人的教育,听起来这很像那些烂俗成功学里的说法,但现在大学生身上存在的许多父母看不惯的不良习惯,就与这方面的教育缺失有关——这方面不补上,孩子跟“独立的社会人”之间,就永远横亘着一条沟壑。

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