家庭教育应以“育”为重

【新闻随笔】 近两年,教育减负的曲折前行和中小学课外培训班的泛滥,成为教育领域的公共话题之一。在很多地方,校内“减负”减掉的课业负担又成为家庭负担,由此引起了很多家长的焦虑和不满。…

【新闻随笔】

近两年,教育减负的曲折前行和中小学课外培训班的泛滥,成为教育领域的公共话题之一。在很多地方,校内“减负”减掉的课业负担又成为家庭负担,由此引起了很多家长的焦虑和不满。中国青年报社会调查中心近日进行的一项调查显示,超过8成的受访者认为当下学校教育对家庭依赖严重。

家校共育一直是教育中的重要理念,家庭教育的功能一点不弱于学校教育。为什么家庭教育现在竟引起这么多家长的焦虑,甚至成了一个挨舆论“板子”的词?这大概是因为,在各种因素的共同作用下,家庭教育的内涵被异化了,被“降格”为父母看着孩子学习、写作业和上各种补习班。

“教育”内含“教”与“育”两个方面。“教”的对象是知识,“育”的对象是价值。知识是爆炸的,一个人每天刷微信,刷3个小时看到的都是新东西,靠“教”是教不完的。比这更重要的是,让一个人知道生命的价值和意义,形成成熟健康的人格,理解学习所为何事,这就是“育”的内容。“育”不是学校能单独完成的,一定要获得家庭的支持。

当一个孩子回到家,家长追问的是,作业做完没?明天考试准备了吗?那就是把“教”放在第一位了。如果你常常询问的是,今天和小朋友相处得好吗?读到什么有意思的观点要分享一下?这才是“育”的方向。这些问题传递着如下的信息:关心孩子的快乐,重视孩子的观点,想和孩子共同探讨如何面对忧愁,以及如何在高兴的时候分享喜悦、如何在遇挫的时候管理情绪。作为学校,有责任向家长传递这样的家庭教育理念。作为家长,更应想一想到底是什么在更长久的时间里主导孩子的人生。

作为一个教育者,笔者在学校里的父母课堂上总是提醒家长,价值观是主导一个孩子最重要的东西。如果一个孩子有健康的价值观、美好的品格,又能建立良好的人际关系,不管读了什么高中、什么大学,他一定会有自己的成功,不过是早晚而已。反过来说,一些孩子成绩很好,但人际交往有问题,抗挫折和解决问题的能力不佳,碰到问题小事化大、大事变得歇斯底里,就是次次考满分,也会让人非常担心。

有一次,笔者曾把一个14岁孩子的爸爸请到学校,那位爸爸来了很困惑:“为什么把我找来?我的孩子考了90多分啊!”笔者和他说,请他来是因为孩子的人际交往有问题,而不是因为成绩。这个孩子的性格特点是很喜欢做领导者,但是他并不是以自己的服务精神和友爱赢得在孩子中的主导地位,而是靠指挥别人,孤立不服从他的同学来实现“领导”。因此,他没有真正的朋友,和他在一起的是害怕他的、比他块头小的孩子。这样的性格特点,肯定要从家庭生活中找根源。笔者和这位父亲交谈后发现,孩子果然是在模仿在公司做高管的父亲。

我们谈了40分钟,家长走的时候已经非常理解笔者的用意。家庭的配合很有效,大概3周到一个月,孩子的言行就开始平和下来。能和不同个性的人友好相处、合作,是人生重要的品格,也是需要有意培养、长期实践的事情,尤其是需要家庭教育发挥“育”的功能。

家庭教育在方法上要抓住以下两点:第一,父母意见一定要达成一致,尤其要避免对孩子说“他(她)说得不对,你不要听他(她)的”这种话。父母态度长期不一致或对抗,会引起孩子内心的持续不安,并成为导致青春期叛逆的深层动因。

第二,要让孩子懂得能上也能下,能进也能退。一般孩子“上”的时候、“进”的时候,父母会鼓掌,但一有“下”的时候、“退”的时候,父母就会率先焦虑起来。孩子在失利、失误、失败的时候,正是需要父母说“没关系”“能接受”的时候,正是需要父母示范如何面对挫折的时候。在这样的基础上,家庭教育的框架才能建立起来,良好的家庭关系、家庭互动也能由此立基。

(作者系北京中芯学校校长)

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