你的修养,决定孩子的教养

戳篮字,关注泡泡妈 每天一个好故事+有趣有态度的育儿干货 文|泡泡妈 01 前几天和朋友去一家餐厅吃饭。 入座没多久,小孩子吵闹的声音传了过来。抬头一看,斜对面坐着两位三十多岁的女…

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你的修养,决定孩子的教养

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01

前几天和朋友去一家餐厅吃饭。

入座没多久,小孩子吵闹的声音传了过来。抬头一看,斜对面坐着两位三十多岁的女士,还带着两个四五岁的小朋友。两个妈妈边吃边交流一些家庭琐事,而小孩子则是嘴巴吃着,手里也不安分起来,拿着玩具隔着桌子过起招来。

当时,我也没太在意,觉得男孩子活泼顽皮点也属正常。

大概十几分钟后,两个小家伙觉得无趣,便人手一桶爆米花,一把把往对方身上撒,玩的不亦乐乎。

这时,孩子妈妈立马瞪了一个白眼,稍加呵斥了几句,然后转过头来继续聊着她们的琐事。

见妈妈也没怎么管,两小孩更是胆大起来,打闹的声音越来越大,范围也越来越广,周围不少人餐桌上都散落着几颗爆米花。

对面的一位小姑娘看不下去,站了起来,走到她们桌前说:“大姐,能管管下你们家孩子吗?”

其中一位女士立马杏目圆睁,“碍着你了还是怎么?”

一听这话,小姑娘也气的火冒三丈,端起碗往她们面前一放,“你们家孩子孩把爆米花都扔我汤了,你说碍没碍着?”

女人没有回答,头都没抬,只是黑着脸对小朋友呵斥道:“以后别扔这么远!”

听得我和朋友面面相觑,小姑娘更是无可奈何回到座位,拿上包包买单离开。

你的修养,决定孩子的教养

或许是刚才的争吵引起了周围人的注意,也可能是小孩家长的态度已经引起了公愤,一位老大爷又站了起来,指着她们说:“那两位女同志,粮食多可贵,小孩子这样糟蹋你们也不管,他们不懂事,你们也不懂事?”

或许刚才已经憋了一肚子火,开始那位母亲立马回击:“这东西是我花钱买的,要浪费也是浪费我的,跟你有什么关系,要你多管闲事!”

一听这话,不但惹恼了老人家,周围所有人都开始窃窃私语。

“熊孩子背后必然站着熊家长”

“当妈的都这样,孩子能好到哪里去?”

“什么样的父母就有什么样的孩子,大人没素质孩子自然就没家教。”

……

02

你的修养,决定孩子的教养

孩子就是父母的一面镜子,孩子在许多方面都在遗传或复制父母的特征,父母每做出一个动作,孩子总能反射出这个动作的影像。

归根结底,孩子没教养,跟父母的修养有因果关系。

如果把原声家庭当成一块土壤,那么父母的修养就是养料,而孩子的教养则是培育在土壤里的果实。果实长成什么样,与土地有关,但更多的是与提供的养料有关。

一个处于成长期的孩子,缺乏一定的是非分辨力和自我行为约束力,很多时候便需要家长为他们提前做好引导,时刻提醒。如果家长“以孩子还小不懂事”为借口,不加以管制,那么孩子就会越发蛮横霸道、自私无理、无视他人感受,甚至直到成年以后,彻底成为孩子人格的一部分。

群里一妈妈跟我吐槽了她家小姑子:

因为和老公关系不和,小姑子三天两头总跑到她家来住。兴许是从小被父母灌坏了,在她什么家务都不干,连自己衣服也不洗。要命的是,说话还特没礼貌,整天大呼小叫的,只管自己痛快,从不在乎别人感受。这两点倒是和大男子公公特别像——吃饭时,翘着二郎腿,吐痰剔牙,吃饭完把碗一推等着老婆来收;骂起人来,脏言脏语不堪入耳……

或许小姑子老公也受不了她又懒又刻薄,吵吵闹闹折腾了一年多,两人最终离婚。

没有老公养,自己工作挣得少又花的多,小姑子只好月月伸手向父母要钱。

最后老两口实在受不了,将女儿赶了出去!

每每谈到女儿,老两口总是一番叹息,后悔以前太过骄纵女儿,弄的性格自私霸道,谁都受不了。

我觉得这不仅仅是性格的弊端,更是暴露了教养。

从小姑子日常的言行举止便可窥见端倪。平时父母的放纵宠溺,再加上公公自身修养的不足,才造成了孩子教养上的欠缺。

一个人性格不好还有可以改善,但是没有最基本的教养,就是从骨子里就坏掉了。

前几年网络上兴起一个词语:坑爹

而大部分爹之所以能被坑,与他们自己屁股本身就不干净也有很大关系。而且孩子的行为,本身就与其从小的家庭教育息息相关。所以从某种意义上来说,算是搬石头最终砸到了自己的脚。

这里可以反转一下,现在很多家长,难道就不是在坑儿?

且与坑爹不同,孩子真的是一张纯净的白纸。

你的修养,决定孩子的教养

03

曾经去过一个饭局,有位8岁左右的小孩,只要有菜上桌,他都会拼了命地吃。举个例子,上了一盘肉丸子。他觉得很好吃,连续拿了10个,吃到吐才停止。后来才得知,因为家里不富裕,很少外出吃饭。所以每当有人请吃饭,他总会拼命地吃。

他妈妈的教育是:“如果有得吃就吃多点,回家没这么好吃的了。”

我的一位亲戚,他们家也不富裕,不过教养十分好,逢人便有礼貌地打招呼,妈妈总是很喜欢跟小孩讲道理,特别是关于教养的问题,她跟女儿说家里没什么钱,所以很多玩具都买不了给她。她只好默默地存着零钱去买自己最喜欢的东西,小孩每逢到我家,我什么好吃的都会拿出来跟她分享,可她却从来都不多拿。

她说:“妈妈说够吃了就行,不用太多的。”

在孩子小又最不会隐藏的年龄,最容易暴露的便是家人的教养。

她就是我的表妹,我跟她一起长大的,因为没钱继续读书,很早就出来创业,但努力又能吃苦的她,早就在这城市站住了脚跟。

有钱不代表教养,真正给到孩子教养的,是他们的父母。

你的修养,决定孩子的教养

04

现在社会,从来就不缺锦衣玉食的富贵人家,缺的是一种高贵得体的家庭教养。

很多父母竭尽全力努力拼搏,只为了给子女创造更好的物质生活,却疏忽了最基本也是最必要的家庭教育。

这样的情况在我们周围时刻发生。

买菜时,趁小贩小注意,偷偷塞几颗水果进包里;

公交车上,和孩子占用两个位置,一孕妇站在旁边紧抓扶手,却对此视若无睹;

超市里,一手提着东西,一手牵着孩子,寻到机会便立马两眼放光,趁乱插进了队伍。

……

甚至很多父母在争取物质利益的时候,轻易为了一点蝇头小利便抛弃了最基本的道德与修养,争取了一点物质的同时,却在不觉中为孩子作出了最差的榜样。

其实,这何尝不是舍本逐末,杀鸡取卵。

穷养富养都不如教养,良好的教养才是他以后立足社会的有力根本,也是他最低成本、也最重要的精神财富。

就像俞敏洪所说:教养比富有更受人尊重。

你的修养,决定孩子的教养

泡妈碎碎念

每个人都喜欢有礼貌有教养的孩子。如果一个孩子在外言行得当,问答有礼,会把自己照顾好并懂得替他人考虑的话,这样的孩子无论到哪里想必大家都会喜欢。

矛盾的是,很多家长潜意识里又觉得,如果孩子这样“不争不抢、谦逊有礼”并“顾及他人情绪”的话,会压抑个性甚至会吃亏。所以他们有时候会鼓励或默许自己孩子大大咧咧、能争能抢的行为,而行动鲁莽、说话不客气的孩子被误认为是性情率真、能力强、敢于表达。

其实那只是没教养而已,跟能力和性格没半毛钱关系。

那什么是教养呢?教养就是不光考虑自己也考虑别人,就是对尊重和边界深刻理解之后的一种分寸感。有了这种分寸感,大家都会很舒服;没有这种分寸感,你舒服了,别人却很烦。

那么如何带出一个有教养的孩子?聪明的爸妈这几点必须知道:

1、爱吵爱闹是孩子的天性,对他们一开始就要教一件事儿:正确使用“室外音量”和“室内音量”。

2、从小要学会给别人一点儿耐心和谦让。不挤、不抢、排队,轮到自己再玩儿。

3、跟人好好说话,正面沟通,避免使用嘲讽、诘问、挑衅、毫不客气的语气,不能用反问回答别人提出的问题,别人跟你说话或问问题要回应。

4、餐桌上可以交谈,但不能又笑又闹。吃东西要闭着嘴嚼,不要吧唧嘴。说话时把先把食物咽下去再说。

5、好的家风最能教做人的教养。教会孩子用体谅之心,用善良与真诚去待人,他自然会有好的教养,也自然会懂得好好说话。

所以,要想培养一个有教养的孩子,先得要问一下自己:作为家长,这些事儿你自己做到了吗?

你的修养,决定孩子的教养

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