当你忍不住对孩子发脾气时,劝你这样做

博士妈妈说: 曾在微博上看到有位妈妈,当女儿堵气要求她一定要给她买礼物时候,当女儿威胁她说”不给我买,我就不乖了!”的时候,她是这样回答的: “宝贝,即使你…

博士妈妈说:

曾在微博上看到有位妈妈,当女儿堵气要求她一定要给她买礼物时候,当女儿威胁她说”不给我买,我就不乖了!”的时候,她是这样回答的:

“宝贝,即使你不乖,妈妈也爱你。”

孩子立刻就变得迟疑了,把张开的刺给收了起来。

当你忍不住对孩子发脾气时,劝你这样做

01

欠缺管教的孩子的家庭是动物园,过分管教的孩子的家庭是马戏团。

——朱德庸《绝对小孩》

就像上面这位妈妈她不以敌意对抗敌意,而是温柔的坚持。这种态度让孩子明白,买不买东西与她爱不爱她无关,纯粹只是一件孤立的小事而已。

许多时候,我们被拒绝时之所以生气不是因为那件事,而是觉得这种拒绝意味着对方不把我们放在心上。如果我们可以确定自己的安全和被爱,自然就不会为这种小事生气了。

很多人都说我们应该严格教育孩子,注意是“严格”,而非“严厉”。

严格,指的是原则,是价值观,是基础的是非判断;严厉,是指滑落为愤怒、情绪失控、非理性。

来源于家长,传递给孩子。

这是个大多数父母都没有掌握的技术活啊……

当你忍不住对孩子发脾气时,劝你这样做

02

我的一个90后同事还没有结婚,更没有孩子,但一直很喜欢孩子,亲戚朋友家的孩子都爱跟她一起玩。

记得我们闲聊得时候她跟我说其实孩子需要尊重,需要爱,需要关怀,需要温柔的对待。

有人说如果讲道理讲不通,打骂或者严厉的威吓就是唯一的方法,其实并非如此。

对孩子,讲道理有时是没用的,因为一个很小的孩子本身就缺乏逻辑和理解能力。所以,能够打动孩子,说服孩子的,实际上是你对待她的态度,说话时的表情和语气。

这些,比话语的内容更重要。你在乎孩子的感受和愿望,孩子就会在乎你的感受和愿望。通情,才能达理。

有人会说,那如果家长态度很棒,可孩子还是不听话,怎么办呢,总不能听之任之吧?我完全同意家长需要有原则,但原则并不一定要通过恐吓来实现(严厉就是一种恐吓)。

比如在餐桌上,孩子不好好吃饭,我不认为打骂有任何作用,我自己是这样长大的,打骂可以让我飙泪把饭吃完,但是同样也让我对吃饭失去乐趣。

对我自己的孩子来说,行之有效的方式很简单,三餐固定,每餐定时,过时不候,餐凉汤冷自己看着办,餐间不给零食,重要的是,大人要起表率作用,一起遵守。

我觉得这显然比打骂有用,只要孩子身体正常,饿了自然会吃。但是实现规则,需要严厉自律(比如不因担心孩子没吃饱而给零食)。

一个小小的例子,只是为了说明,孩子淘气固然让人生气;但是生气打骂本身不是解决问题的方式。

温柔的坚持,没有敌意的坚决,这大概是应对与孩子发生冲突时最好的方式了。

我理解常年来自教育子女的挑战可能会让人失去耐性,但是不要放弃自己的努力,做好父母,和要求孩子做好孩子,一样不容易。

博妈趣味赌王测试题

当你忍不住对孩子发脾气时,劝你这样做

农民:A、A、9

地主:2、Q、Q、10、10、7、7、5、5、3

这是网上争执不下的斗地主,地主先出,谁赢?

搜索微信号:博士妈妈研究所(bsmmyjs),关注后回复“斗地主”就可以知道正确答案了!!!

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